Tough Goodbyes

This week consisted of students reviewing for their exams, packing, and saying my goodbyes.

This weekend, my cooperating teacher had Andrea

and I over for dinner. She made delicious masala dosa (because she knows it's my favorite) and fried rice. We hung out with her family and met her youngest daughter, two-year-old Anu, who is a chunk of cuteness. It was so nice to just sit, talk, and truly enjoy everyone's company.

Onam is a South Indian festival celebrating the new year (but it's not actually celebrated at the beginning of the year), and it was so special that I got to celebrate it with my cooperating teacher and her family on Sunday. We dressed up in saris, saw a traditional dance, and ate off of a banana leaf in true Indian fashion-with our hands!! It took a second to get used to, but within a minute, I was a pro! We had rice and various curries, many of which were made with coconut. So good!

My favorite English teacher was sick and could not be at school for 10 days, so Sunu, Andrea, Shruti and I (my Indian squad) went to visit her. Usually when someone is ill, many people will visit their home. She brought us tea and her son played a classical Indian instrument for us. She was so upbeat despite being sick. Then, the squad went out for tacos at Dominoes. Yes, the pizza place. No, they were not Mexican tacos, but the Indian-ized vegetarian version. They were sooo good!

On Tuesday I had to say goodbye to class 3F. Again,

they showered me with cards and gifts. I will miss every face and personality. They said, "Ma'am, why do you have to go back to your country? Just stay!" And the teachers showed me the newspaper ad for job openings at DPS. Though it pains me to leave my students and new teacher friends, there is so much to learn in other countries before settling. I am not done learning, traveling, or seeing new places.

Today, I had to say goodbye to my teachers. It was a holiday, so there were no students; teachers use this as a collaboration day. So I said goodbye to the English staff room four times and did not leave my cooperating teacher's side all day. She was my hardest goodbye. In her card to me was a quote: "Goodbyes are not forever, goodbyes are not the end; they simply mean I'll miss you, 'til we meet again."

The connection with my co-op was so special. She taught me so much, but insisted that we learned from each other. She mentored me at school professionally and also became a close friend, whom I will miss dearly. But I will be back to visit.

I am truly thankful and am celebrating the memories. I have experienced friendships that transcend language and culture. It's possible to deeply love people so different from yourself. We have more in common than we think, yet still so much to talk about and learn from each other. How cool is it to have friends halfway across the world! I told them, "You're only a 15.5 hour flight away!" Maybe it's not that comforting, but whatever.

Today I also said goodbye to my roommate, travel buddy, and partner in crime. We too, have an amazing connection and shared love for teaching internationally and traveling. She is a brave and adventurous spirit, and totally understands me! What a blessing to have had her by my side throughout this journey.

I feel like I am leaving home to go to my other home. A piece of my heart is in India, and I have grown; I will never be the same.

Last post

“The world is inhabited by all kinds of people. They are isolated by land and water, religion, customs, habits. The minds and hearts of these people are much alike. Under sudden or stressed emotions, they blossom forth or explode in riots, fights, dance, song, prayer. At such times they become one mind, one heart. And the world vibrates with the intensity of their feelings, emotions, angers, laughters." M.K. Gandhi

Debunking Preconceptions
In one of my first blogs, I typed out things I had read about India or that others had told me. Let's see if they have held up:

• It's dirtyYes, India is very dusty. There is often trash on the ground, no trash bins to collect garbage, and you cannot drink the water. However, people's homes are very clean. If they can afford it, they have maids that come wash the floors and dishes every day. 

• It's disorganized 
  Americans perceive India as disorganized, yes. But the truth is, they have a system that works for them. It's often chaotic because no one really follows traffic rules, they don't wait in line or wait their turn. Once we went to the store to get a cell phone. The man said "Come back tomorrow." We did, and I selected the phone I wanted. He said, Ok, come back tomorrow." The next day, he said, "Ok, I'll be right back." He left on his scooter and returned with the cell phone box. To pick up milk, some shoes, and bread, you will have to go to three different stores. I can think of 297602938 ways to do these things more efficiently, but this is their process.

• It's crowded
  

• It's smelly

• I will definitely get very sick

• Men don't treat women very well

• It will be very hot with monsoons

• I will fall in love with the culture

• The food is delicious

• They love cows and jewelry 

• They are curious about Americans, especially if you have blonde hair

"All religions share a common rootAll religions share a common root, which is limitless compassion.

quotes from here: http://thriveconnection.com/2015/08/18/strangers/?utm_source=Connection&utm_campaign=5524565fed-Weekly_Connection_2015_08_24&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_59f8971ca4-5524565fed-72830661

They emphasize human improvement, love, respect for others, and compassion for the suffering of others.

In so far as love is essential in every religion, we could say that love is a universal religion.

But the various techniques and methods for developing love differ widely between the traditions.

I don’t think there could ever be just one single philosophy or religion.

Since there are so many different types of people, with a range of tendencies and inclinations,

it is quite fitting that there are differences between religions.

And the fact that there are so many different descriptions of the religious path shows how rich religion is.

– H.H. the XIVth Dalai Lama

They become less of a "they". Now I have friends across the world. People are just people, imperfect and in need of love and connection. We are more the same than I ever thought.

"They" have faces. "They" are real.

Not to go all "world peace" on you, or claim that my teaching experience has had some profound effect on the world, but hear this: what if we all branched out a little? Got out of our comfort zones to meet people in a different neighborhood, culture or country? We may not solve wars or bridge gaps between religious or territorial disagreements, but we can still, just maybe, be friends.

Things have come full circle. I stood in the check in line at O'Hare crying and telling myself to be brave. And here I am again, hugging my students goodbye, crying and telling myself to be strong.

Love & Marriage

I have gathered "data" from several sources over the last couple months, and have found the concept of marriage here so fascinating. I always thought arranged marriages were a thing of the past, but they are indeed the way of life here.

Teacher 1 described this to me: Once a girl reaches her early to mid-twenties, her parents start talking to family friends and friends of friends to feel out if there are any potential suitors. They also have matrimonial websites where the parents can go online to find a match for their daughter. The parents will arrange a meeting at the girl's house. The families will sit in the front room and the girl will serve them tea. Then, the couple will sit in a room by themselves to talk, and the man will ask the woman questions about herself, like what are her hobbies, where did she do her studies, etc. It's very much about accomplishments and the family status. Males might look for a woman who is educated, maybe of a higher caste, can cook, has good manners, and can serve tea well.

In this teacher's experience, they only had 15 minutes in a room together to decide the REST OF THEIR LIVES. The man and his family will leave the house and say, "Ok, we will inform you later." This teacher did not ask the guy any questions and wasn't into it. A woman also may want to turn down at least one male suitor before she accepts. He called later to say he had rejected her. But his brother said, "No, the girl was nervous, give her another chance." So he called again and made an offer. Teacher 1 accepted, only because her parents wanted her to. 

At the time, he lived 4 hours away, and it is not acceptable to visit the guy's house until you are married. He could not visit her, because he had to work and the distance was too much. So they talked on the phone and texted for only 2 MONTHS before their wedding. She had not met the guy's mother until that day. Now they have been married 7 years and have 2 children. She says they are still learning to love each other. They call this "love after marriage." This woman has such amazing qualities (kind, intelligent, caring, SO hilarious, loves food, reading, etc), and it saddens me to think that her husband married her without falling in love with these qualities first.

Teacher 2 had a "love marriage," or love before marriage. This is extremely rare and forbidden, really. In love marriages, the couple is shunned from their families. They must run away together. Teacher was smiling and so happy talking about her husband, but said her family only recently acknowledged the marriage. She has been married for 14 years and has a 12-year-old daughter.

Teacher 3's experience is even sadder. I think the more common experience is that after an arranged marriage, the couple ends up hating each other. They are stuck, though, because divorce is not an option. It's absolutely off the table. Teacher 3 has been verbally abused by her husband. She has also been extremely rude and hateful toward him in reaction. But still, they must live a lie. They put on a front and have been forced to tolerate each other for 35 years. They are not friends and are unhappy, which affects all other aspects of their lives.

Teacher 4's story is much better. She did not want to get married and wanted to continue in her higher studies. However, after her arranged marriage, she is now totally (still) in love with her husband of 20+ years.

And sorry, singles! 30 is considered VERY old. By 35, you are a lost cause and your family will basically disown you.

Indian weddings are also fascinating. They are usually a three-day process and involve tons of money, guests, food, several outfit changes and many rituals. The male's family pays for all the guests to eat for 3 days, and to fly in any foreign guests.

Even after marriage Indians are rarely affectionate. A married couple may be sitting next to each other, but you would have no idea they even know each other!

The Countdown Begins!

My fave English teacher, Lakshmi.
Going to miss this lady!

T-8 days until I'm back in the States, and I can't wait! I am wrapping up the chapters I've been teaching and students are reviewing for their summative assessments (across all Delhi Public Schools).

Saturday was Teacher Appreciation Day. I wish every day was Teacher Appreciation Day. Students decorated our room and showered us with gifts, candy and cards. Then, students walked around to all the staff rooms and fed us cake (like they took a chunk with their hands and put it up to our mouths). Then, they touched our feet, which is a sign of respect for elders. At night, there was a festival for teachers with live music, games, food and dancing. I won a prize for randomly wearing a headband and Andrea won for best dancer. The teachers were so much fun outside of school! Laughing and taking pictures. Great memories. One teacher's flash wouldn't go off and a group of us were trying to hold our poses and smiles. The gym teacher, exasperated, shouted a string of Hindi words. I was like "I have no idea what she said..." Andrea finished my sentence

Teacher's Day haul.

with..."but I was thinking the same thing!" Hilarious, and true. You often don't need words to communicate.

School Updates

Science: We are finishing up the Our Body chapter, and Sammy the skeleton is looking healthier and more colorful. Students LOVED the circulatory system activities--squeezing a crumpled paper ball 90 times to simulate the heart pumping and taking their pulses after marching in place for one minute. After the paper ball exercise, I asked, "Class, aren't we so glad our heart does this for us automatically? That we do not have to think about pumping

I had Andrea recording my lesson,
so we were actually able to capture
this moment on video!

our heart every second?" They looked at me blankly, so I repeated, "Aren't you glad for your heart?!" They all started clapping and I lost it laughing in front of class. Apparently, they thought I said, "Clap for your heart."

Social Studies: The students enjoyed creating thinking maps (circle map, bubble map, tree map) on the different aspects of culture in Chennai. This sparked an idea for SS in my future classroom. Why not have country "boxes" from all over the world? A small group of students would discover different artifacts in their box and have to research and present to the class why each artifact is significant. For example, an India box might contain a some tea leaves, a sari, an elephant god figurine, etc.

English: We read a play called Clever Carla, which taught students not to be greedy. The students acted out the different roles with great enthusiasm!

Okay, so Sammy's not "medically"
accurate, but the kids love him,
and can identify all the parts!

Math: In an attempt to make Roman numerals (yawn) more interesting, I had students find a secret message. They could decode the message only by first identifying the Roman numeral that would unlock a letter.

Teacher Appreciation Day celebration.

This weekend, we attended a seminar at church and had lunch at the pastor's family's house. Then, we hung out with Andrea's cooperating teacher, Anu, and her family for dinner. Anu's husband works for the Railway, so we saw the only railway training facility in India and walked around the gardens. Then we played basketball with her daughter, Harsha, who is a bundle of energy. I taught Harsha every ball handling trick I could remember (Pistol Pete, anyone?) and we had a blast!

 Today was another rough day with my students. Both Andrea and I are struggling with lack of consequences/no behavior management system. Andrea so eloquently described it: "It's like an abusive relationship. [The students] say they won't hit again and that they're sorry, but just do it again the next day!" We laughed. And I didn't beat myself up over the rough day this time.

Untouchable

Outside of the church we attend here, there are plenty of beggars. Some are trained to put on a show. They hold tiny, filthy, naked babies and signal for food. Others will tug on your skirt and follow you all the way to your destination if you do not give them a firm "No." I have heard if you give money, there's no way to tell if it is for the beggar or for someone else who has hired them to beg. Sometimes people do terrible things, like blind or burn small children so they receive more money begging. These beggars are especially persistent in approaching anyone with light skin or who looks foreign.

There was a girl, maybe 10 years old asking for money outside church on Sunday. I am so numb to them now, I walked right past her. But Andrea stopped. The girl, Nika, only spoke Hindi. Her hair was messy and dusty. She wore a dirty, torn green kurta and scarf. Andrea invited her up the stairs to the church service. One of the church ladies stopped her on the stairs and asked what was going on. "She's coming to church," Andrea replied.

Inside, the pastor greeted Andrea and I warmly and then pointed to Nika, confused, and asked, "Is she with you?" Andrea nodded. Nika sat through the whole service, clapping her hands to the songs and listening to the Hindi translation.

I am disappointed I didn't think of inviting Nika and others like her to church. That I overlook people because if they are uneducated, they don't speak English, and how could I communicate? Or they are probably not using the money for food, so I walk past them.

Then I got upset. Why did people question her being there? Aren't we called to invite people to the church? Church people are not the ones who need to hear about Jesus. Didn't Jesus hang with poor people? What were the church people afraid of, that she would not understand the service? That she would steal something? This small act of Andrea's set a huge example for me. It really rocked my mindset. 

Though discriminating based on the caste system is technically illegal, it still exists today. Nika was born an  untouchable, or outcast of society, and has no chance of getting an education or job better than a street sweeper. If she tries, she or her family could be beat, their possessions burned, or worse. Christians don't really follow the caste system, but it's so deeply embedded in the culture, I think this caused some of the reactions. 

But I'm going to follow Andrea's example and stop thinking of excuses. I hope Nika comes back to church next week.

4 Days in Delhi and 14 Stops Later...

Before we left for Delhi we had lunch at the pastor's house. He and his wife are Indian, but met at college in Texas. It was fun to chat with their oldest daughter, Bethany (18) about being a Christian in a predominately Hindu culture.

We had a couple days off from school because of protests in Ahmedabad. A young leader is protesting unfair distribution of jobs and wealth in the caste system. He was detained, so his  some 450,000 followers protested with arson, etc. It was scary because we were just in Ahmedabad a couple weeks ago. The government closed schools and buildings and imposed a curfew in Gujarat. It shut down Internet and phone services. Now things seem to have calmed down.

We flew into Delhi Thursday and stayed until Monday. We covered a lot of ground in the meantime:

1. Lakshmi Temple. All religions are welcome to worship here, but we only saw idols of Hindu gods. We learned the swastik symbol means good luck. The guide told me while Hindus have many gods (literally millions), they think of one ultimate god, but with three parts: "g" for generator of the world, "o" for operator, and "d" for destroyer.

2. Qutub Minar. It is a 72.5m high tower built in celebration of victory over Delhi's last Hindu kingdom and is also used as a watchtower. It contains the 1st Mosque in India. Inside the complex is an iron pillar, which scientist still cannot figure how it was cast given the technology at the time.

3. Safdarjang's Tomb. The king of Kolkata built this for his father in the 18th century, and it is the last known example of Mughal architecture.

4. Gandhi Smiriti museum. This is the home and assassination place  of Gandhi. He had just finished a meeting and was led to prayer in the backyard, when he was assassinated. You can see his footsteps leading to this place, now covered by a pavilion.

We stopped for lunch near Connaught Place and I had masala dosa. Masala means "spices" and dosa

Masala dosa. I love India food!

is a type of thin bread made from fermented rice. It proved to be my favorite food in India so far. I also decided I need to visit South India (especially Kerala) because I like its food and clothing the best.

5. Next we stopped at Red Fort. It was built by Shah Jahan, a Mughal emperor and completed in 1647.

6. Rajghat. Gandhi's remains are here and so is a large memorial garden. We learned his last word was Raam, which means God.

7. Humayan's Tomb contains 108 graves. Built by his wife in 15th century, it's the 1st example of Mughal architecture. Humayan was the son of the first Mughal emperor and father of Emperor Akbar. They call it the red Taj Mahal.

Day 2

Khan market wasn't its usual crowded
self because of the festival.

Raksha Bandhan (Rhaki Festival) is a tradition celebrating brother/sister relationships. Sisters tie a rhaki bracelet on their brother or guy friend's wrist, symbolizing their love, and for the brother, it is a sign of his protection for her. We got to see our host's sister's family do this! The sister is supposed to feed the brother a something sweet, and then he gives his sister money or a gift. 

Meeting up with friends of
friends in New Delhi.

8. Laj Nagor Central Market is one of Delhi's many bazaars. The city is known for excellent shopping.

9. Khan Market and Khan Chacha restaurant. Very touristy, but we had fun exploring. Interesting that very high-end shops are right next to cheap stalls. My favorite food (topping even the masala dosa) was paneer roll at Khan Chaha restaurant. It is cottage cheese chunks in a masala gravy wrapped in a thin, fried bread. Our hosts in Delhi told us about this place, and I am so glad they did!
10. Hauz Khas Village. More shopping! 

The flower pattern that covers the Taj.
It's also found on Humayan's Tomb.

We were able to meet up with Arun, a relative of one of the families I used to babysit for in Chicago. We had coffee and then met a group of his friends from church. I decided I could see myself living in Delhi (my favorite city so far), and that I was really missing this type of community in Baroda.

Day 3
11. Agra & Taj Mahal. Obviously the massive, marble Taj became my favorite sight so far. It's breathtaking. I fell in love with the flower pattern made from precious stones that adorns the mausoleum. (If I sound like a guide book, it's because I have poured over my India travel books, totally in love with the history...and making up for the semester of World History at college, from which I retained nothing.)   

In  front of the Taj.

The Taj was built by Shah Jahan as a tomb for his 3rd wife, whom he loved very much, and died giving birth to their 14th child. The shah's grave was later placed next to his wife. It took eight years to complete. I thought it was cool how mathematically accurate the measurements are, given they had none of the modern day tools.

Day 4
12. Dilli Haat. One of Delhi's bazaars.
13. Janpath. A bazaar. Spent too many rupees. 

14. Hardiram's at Connaught Place. This is like a food court where you can try food from various parts of the country.

T-2 weeks until I'm back in the States! I am torn, as I will sob when I have to leave my teachers and kids, but sob from happiness to reunite with luxuries like beer, toilet paper and Triscuits.