Year of Zen

Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it.

-Ray Bradbury

The offer to teach at Lab is the culmination of many experiences, applications, odd jobs and uncertainty this year, as I really didn't know what I would do or where I would be post student teaching in India. After subbing in charter, public, and private schools for a year, I realized (after wrestling with and challenging my longtime idea of teaching internationally and to low-income students) the private school setting is my best fit. Though a homeroom teacher position would be my ultimate goal, I am over the moon excited to start at Lab.

This summer I'll be a TA for Nature Detectives, a course offered at Summer Lab. I'm nerdy excited to explore the outdoors with 3rd grade, my favorite age group, and because science is my favorite subject to teach!
No one knows exactly how difficult and how wonderful it's been this year, living life not dictated by a schedule. It kind of felt like the slower pace of retirement, but undeserved without a lifetime of work, productivity and contributing to society. Without the backbone of a 9-5 (or let's be honest, for teachers it's more like 7-6), I was left all jiggly, with muscles and brains and had to figure out how to support myself.

I went to the gym and morning classes and I ran along the lake. I didn't worry about when I'd be back, just listened to how far my body wanted to take me. I even let myself get lost a couple times. Once, Jake the pup and I stumbled upon the Japanese Garden.

I finished my ESL endorsement. 40 hours of schoolwork per week for 3 months. I enjoyed reading and learning because I had time to read and learn.

I nannied for cuddly little Lincoln and watched as he rolled over, ate solid food, giggled, and grew over 3 months. He still remains the only human who will tolerate my singing. I babysat, and truly had fun with the kids, not worrying about what time the parents were coming home on a Sunday night because I needed to be in bed for work the next day. I took my time. I blogged for Twist OP because it was fun and because I got paid for it. I spent time with my feelings, which was really scary.

I cried because I wasn't working full-time and didn't feel productive and I cried because I was so happy I wasn't working full-time. I cried because I had to face who I truly was and how I really felt and what I really wanted in life. But I also laughed a lot, too. I think that means I embraced life's highs and lows, and sometimes both at once.

In my moments alone, I listened to my body and paid attention. I was diagnosed with mild ADD and actually had time to go to appointments and do health-related things.

I taught art and music and all subjects in between; I taught students with little faces and big faces, middle schoolers with lanky arms and kindergarteners who ask too many questions to substitute teachers. Now at least I know I don't want to teach kindergarten. I interviewed for jobs that I felt no pressure to accept...unless I felt that love connection deep down in my soul that it was right.

I wrote poetry for the first time in five years. It made my brain hurt, but it was the good kind of hurt. I got up early for not having to work. But not too early. I barely needed my iPhone alarm. I drank wine and got caught up in silly TV shows. I didn't need naps. Some days I didn't get out of my pajamas; some days I was running errands morning until night. PS, Grocery shopping and errand-running midday is 4829937483 times more enjoyable.

When I saw friends or visited family, I was fully present-not tired, stressed, or time-pressed. I enjoyed their company. I went on a few first (and last) dates and tried (not that hard) to put myself out there.

I went on more than 18 trips, national and international-Nashville, St. Paul, LA, DC, Detroit, Grand Rapids, up and down western Michigan's winery trail.

I went to India to student teach. It was dusty and tough, but the people are colorful, and hey, now I can cross that one off my list and at least I got to see the Taj Mahal. I toured the Scottish Highlands in the fall and the countryside of Ireland. I went to The Dominican for a friend's wedding and didn't worry about taking time off of work. Planning and executing my sister's bachelorette party to NOLA as her MOH and was a blast! #SwampSquad #AlmostStrandedInTheBayou

I balanced my budget, made ends meet and still ate pretty healthy. I spent less money and had fewer expenses but wasn't less happy.

It's hard to simplify, but I did it. I sold shoes and books on eBay and donated clothing. It's just stuff, anyway. I got used to the way I look without makeup. My Facebook friend count is down by 500.

I learned to cook, to care for Jake and Tabby, the best pets in the world, and earned their affection in return. Oh, and I learned how to run a household-it's really hard. Dishes, grocery store, cooking, walk the dog, dishes, vacuum, dishes, dishes. Dishes.

I was hungover every once in a while, and without consequence to my work. I explored churches, I explored Hyde Park. I stepped back from my faith and am slowly coming toward it again, allowing for the ups and downs that come with a God relationship, any relationship. I stepped back from friendships and acknowledged that some run their courses. I meditated on what these precious relationships had given me, that they met my needs when I so needed it. I thanked them for wonderful memories, grieved these losses, and then celebrated new additions to my life.

I bonded with Julie, a new and wonderful friend, who loved me and taught me important things, like to advocate for what I want in life. She listened, and I had time to talk. And her daughter, my surrogate little sister, Ellie. I got to be an older sister again and give advice, now tried and true because I'm a little older. I went on vacations, to Christmas parties and dinners. I became part of their family. My Chicago family.

At the end of the Year of Zen (doesn't that sound like it belongs in a Dr. Seuss book?) I finally learned how to be zen. Be your own kind of zen if you can. You can be more you, and that's what the world needs.

Year of Zen

Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it.

-Ray Bradbury

The offer to teach at Lab is the culmination of many experiences, applications, odd jobs and uncertainty this year, as I really didn't know what I would do or where I would be post student teaching in India. After subbing in charter, public, and private schools for a year, I realized (after wrestling with and challenging my longtime idea of teaching internationally and to low-income students) the private school setting is my best fit. Though a homeroom teacher position would be my ultimate goal, I am over the moon excited to start at Lab.

This summer I'll be a TA for Nature Detectives, a course offered at Summer Lab. I'm nerdy excited to explore the outdoors with 3rd grade, my favorite age group, and because science is my favorite subject to teach!
No one knows exactly how difficult and how wonderful it's been this year, living life not dictated by a schedule. It kind of felt like the slower pace of retirement, but undeserved without a lifetime of work, productivity and contributing to society. Without the backbone of a 9-5 (or let's be honest, for teachers it's more like 7-6), I was left all jiggly, with muscles and brains and had to figure out how to support myself.

I went to the gym and morning classes and I ran along the lake. I didn't worry about when I'd be back, just listened to how far my body wanted to take me. I even let myself get lost a couple times. Once, Jake the pup and I stumbled upon the Japanese Garden.

I finished my ESL endorsement. 40 hours of schoolwork per week for 3 months. I enjoyed reading and learning because I had time to read and learn.

I nannied for cuddly little Lincoln and watched as he rolled over, ate solid food, giggled, and grew over 3 months. He still remains the only human who will tolerate my singing. I babysat, and truly had fun with the kids, not worrying about what time the parents were coming home on a Sunday night because I needed to be in bed for work the next day. I took my time. I blogged for Twist OP because it was fun and because I got paid for it. I spent time with my feelings, which was really scary.

I cried because I wasn't working full-time and didn't feel productive and I cried because I was so happy I wasn't working full-time. I cried because I had to face who I truly was and how I really felt and what I really wanted in life. But I also laughed a lot, too. I think that means I embraced life's highs and lows, and sometimes both at once.

In my moments alone, I listened to my body and paid attention. I was diagnosed with mild ADD and actually had time to go to appointments and do health-related things.

I taught art and music and all subjects in between; I taught students with little faces and big faces, middle schoolers with lanky arms and kindergarteners who ask too many questions to substitute teachers. Now at least I know I don't want to teach kindergarten. I interviewed for jobs that I felt no pressure to accept...unless I felt that love connection deep down in my soul that it was right.

I wrote poetry for the first time in five years. It made my brain hurt, but it was the good kind of hurt. I got up early for not having to work. But not too early. I barely needed my iPhone alarm. I drank wine and got caught up in silly TV shows. I didn't need naps. Some days I didn't get out of my pajamas; some days I was running errands morning until night. PS, Grocery shopping and errand-running midday is 4829937483 times more enjoyable.

When I saw friends or visited family, I was fully present-not tired, stressed, or time-pressed. I enjoyed their company. I went on a few first (and last) dates and tried (not that hard) to put myself out there.

I went on more than 18 trips, national and international-Nashville, St. Paul, LA, DC, Detroit, Grand Rapids, up and down western Michigan's winery trail.

I went to India to student teach. It was dusty and tough, but the people are colorful, and hey, now I can cross that one off my list and at least I got to see the Taj Mahal. I toured the Scottish Highlands in the fall and the countryside of Ireland. I went to The Dominican for a friend's wedding and didn't worry about taking time off of work. Planning and executing my sister's bachelorette party to NOLA as her MOH and was a blast! #SwampSquad #AlmostStrandedInTheBayou

I balanced my budget, made ends meet and still ate pretty healthy. I spent less money and had fewer expenses but wasn't less happy.

It's hard to simplify, but I did it. I sold shoes and books on eBay and donated clothing. It's just stuff, anyway. I got used to the way I look without makeup. My Facebook friend count is down by 500.

I learned to cook, to care for Jake and Tabby, the best pets in the world, and earned their affection in return. Oh, and I learned how to run a household-it's really hard. Dishes, grocery store, cooking, walk the dog, dishes, vacuum, dishes, dishes. Dishes.

I was hungover every once in a while, and without consequence to my work. I explored churches, I explored Hyde Park. I stepped back from my faith and am slowly coming toward it again, allowing for the ups and downs that come with a God relationship, any relationship. I stepped back from friendships and acknowledged that some run their courses. I meditated on what these precious relationships had given me, that they met my needs when I so needed it. I thanked them for wonderful memories, grieved these losses, and then celebrated new additions to my life.

I bonded with Julie, a new and wonderful friend, who loved me and taught me important things, like to advocate for what I want in life. She listened, and I had time to talk. And her daughter, my surrogate little sister, Ellie. I got to be an older sister again and give advice, now tried and true because I'm a little older. I went on vacations, to Christmas parties and dinners. I became part of their family. My Chicago family.

At the end of the Year of Zen (doesn't that sound like it belongs in a Dr. Seuss book?) I finally learned how to be zen. Be your own kind of zen if you can. You can be more you, and that's what the world needs.

Tough Goodbyes

This week consisted of students reviewing for their exams, packing, and saying my goodbyes.

This weekend, my cooperating teacher had Andrea

and I over for dinner. She made delicious masala dosa (because she knows it's my favorite) and fried rice. We hung out with her family and met her youngest daughter, two-year-old Anu, who is a chunk of cuteness. It was so nice to just sit, talk, and truly enjoy everyone's company.

Onam is a South Indian festival celebrating the new year (but it's not actually celebrated at the beginning of the year), and it was so special that I got to celebrate it with my cooperating teacher and her family on Sunday. We dressed up in saris, saw a traditional dance, and ate off of a banana leaf in true Indian fashion-with our hands!! It took a second to get used to, but within a minute, I was a pro! We had rice and various curries, many of which were made with coconut. So good!

My favorite English teacher was sick and could not be at school for 10 days, so Sunu, Andrea, Shruti and I (my Indian squad) went to visit her. Usually when someone is ill, many people will visit their home. She brought us tea and her son played a classical Indian instrument for us. She was so upbeat despite being sick. Then, the squad went out for tacos at Dominoes. Yes, the pizza place. No, they were not Mexican tacos, but the Indian-ized vegetarian version. They were sooo good!

On Tuesday I had to say goodbye to class 3F. Again,

they showered me with cards and gifts. I will miss every face and personality. They said, "Ma'am, why do you have to go back to your country? Just stay!" And the teachers showed me the newspaper ad for job openings at DPS. Though it pains me to leave my students and new teacher friends, there is so much to learn in other countries before settling. I am not done learning, traveling, or seeing new places.

Today, I had to say goodbye to my teachers. It was a holiday, so there were no students; teachers use this as a collaboration day. So I said goodbye to the English staff room four times and did not leave my cooperating teacher's side all day. She was my hardest goodbye. In her card to me was a quote: "Goodbyes are not forever, goodbyes are not the end; they simply mean I'll miss you, 'til we meet again."

The connection with my co-op was so special. She taught me so much, but insisted that we learned from each other. She mentored me at school professionally and also became a close friend, whom I will miss dearly. But I will be back to visit.

I am truly thankful and am celebrating the memories. I have experienced friendships that transcend language and culture. It's possible to deeply love people so different from yourself. We have more in common than we think, yet still so much to talk about and learn from each other. How cool is it to have friends halfway across the world! I told them, "You're only a 15.5 hour flight away!" Maybe it's not that comforting, but whatever.

Today I also said goodbye to my roommate, travel buddy, and partner in crime. We too, have an amazing connection and shared love for teaching internationally and traveling. She is a brave and adventurous spirit, and totally understands me! What a blessing to have had her by my side throughout this journey.

I feel like I am leaving home to go to my other home. A piece of my heart is in India, and I have grown; I will never be the same.

Last post

“The world is inhabited by all kinds of people. They are isolated by land and water, religion, customs, habits. The minds and hearts of these people are much alike. Under sudden or stressed emotions, they blossom forth or explode in riots, fights, dance, song, prayer. At such times they become one mind, one heart. And the world vibrates with the intensity of their feelings, emotions, angers, laughters." M.K. Gandhi

Debunking Preconceptions
In one of my first blogs, I typed out things I had read about India or that others had told me. Let's see if they have held up:

• It's dirtyYes, India is very dusty. There is often trash on the ground, no trash bins to collect garbage, and you cannot drink the water. However, people's homes are very clean. If they can afford it, they have maids that come wash the floors and dishes every day. 

• It's disorganized 
  Americans perceive India as disorganized, yes. But the truth is, they have a system that works for them. It's often chaotic because no one really follows traffic rules, they don't wait in line or wait their turn. Once we went to the store to get a cell phone. The man said "Come back tomorrow." We did, and I selected the phone I wanted. He said, Ok, come back tomorrow." The next day, he said, "Ok, I'll be right back." He left on his scooter and returned with the cell phone box. To pick up milk, some shoes, and bread, you will have to go to three different stores. I can think of 297602938 ways to do these things more efficiently, but this is their process.

• It's crowded
  

• It's smelly

• I will definitely get very sick

• Men don't treat women very well

• It will be very hot with monsoons

• I will fall in love with the culture

• The food is delicious

• They love cows and jewelry 

• They are curious about Americans, especially if you have blonde hair

"All religions share a common rootAll religions share a common root, which is limitless compassion.

quotes from here: http://thriveconnection.com/2015/08/18/strangers/?utm_source=Connection&utm_campaign=5524565fed-Weekly_Connection_2015_08_24&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_59f8971ca4-5524565fed-72830661

They emphasize human improvement, love, respect for others, and compassion for the suffering of others.

In so far as love is essential in every religion, we could say that love is a universal religion.

But the various techniques and methods for developing love differ widely between the traditions.

I don’t think there could ever be just one single philosophy or religion.

Since there are so many different types of people, with a range of tendencies and inclinations,

it is quite fitting that there are differences between religions.

And the fact that there are so many different descriptions of the religious path shows how rich religion is.

– H.H. the XIVth Dalai Lama

They become less of a "they". Now I have friends across the world. People are just people, imperfect and in need of love and connection. We are more the same than I ever thought.

"They" have faces. "They" are real.

Not to go all "world peace" on you, or claim that my teaching experience has had some profound effect on the world, but hear this: what if we all branched out a little? Got out of our comfort zones to meet people in a different neighborhood, culture or country? We may not solve wars or bridge gaps between religious or territorial disagreements, but we can still, just maybe, be friends.

Things have come full circle. I stood in the check in line at O'Hare crying and telling myself to be brave. And here I am again, hugging my students goodbye, crying and telling myself to be strong.

Love & Marriage

I have gathered "data" from several sources over the last couple months, and have found the concept of marriage here so fascinating. I always thought arranged marriages were a thing of the past, but they are indeed the way of life here.

Teacher 1 described this to me: Once a girl reaches her early to mid-twenties, her parents start talking to family friends and friends of friends to feel out if there are any potential suitors. They also have matrimonial websites where the parents can go online to find a match for their daughter. The parents will arrange a meeting at the girl's house. The families will sit in the front room and the girl will serve them tea. Then, the couple will sit in a room by themselves to talk, and the man will ask the woman questions about herself, like what are her hobbies, where did she do her studies, etc. It's very much about accomplishments and the family status. Males might look for a woman who is educated, maybe of a higher caste, can cook, has good manners, and can serve tea well.

In this teacher's experience, they only had 15 minutes in a room together to decide the REST OF THEIR LIVES. The man and his family will leave the house and say, "Ok, we will inform you later." This teacher did not ask the guy any questions and wasn't into it. A woman also may want to turn down at least one male suitor before she accepts. He called later to say he had rejected her. But his brother said, "No, the girl was nervous, give her another chance." So he called again and made an offer. Teacher 1 accepted, only because her parents wanted her to. 

At the time, he lived 4 hours away, and it is not acceptable to visit the guy's house until you are married. He could not visit her, because he had to work and the distance was too much. So they talked on the phone and texted for only 2 MONTHS before their wedding. She had not met the guy's mother until that day. Now they have been married 7 years and have 2 children. She says they are still learning to love each other. They call this "love after marriage." This woman has such amazing qualities (kind, intelligent, caring, SO hilarious, loves food, reading, etc), and it saddens me to think that her husband married her without falling in love with these qualities first.

Teacher 2 had a "love marriage," or love before marriage. This is extremely rare and forbidden, really. In love marriages, the couple is shunned from their families. They must run away together. Teacher was smiling and so happy talking about her husband, but said her family only recently acknowledged the marriage. She has been married for 14 years and has a 12-year-old daughter.

Teacher 3's experience is even sadder. I think the more common experience is that after an arranged marriage, the couple ends up hating each other. They are stuck, though, because divorce is not an option. It's absolutely off the table. Teacher 3 has been verbally abused by her husband. She has also been extremely rude and hateful toward him in reaction. But still, they must live a lie. They put on a front and have been forced to tolerate each other for 35 years. They are not friends and are unhappy, which affects all other aspects of their lives.

Teacher 4's story is much better. She did not want to get married and wanted to continue in her higher studies. However, after her arranged marriage, she is now totally (still) in love with her husband of 20+ years.

And sorry, singles! 30 is considered VERY old. By 35, you are a lost cause and your family will basically disown you.

Indian weddings are also fascinating. They are usually a three-day process and involve tons of money, guests, food, several outfit changes and many rituals. The male's family pays for all the guests to eat for 3 days, and to fly in any foreign guests.

Even after marriage Indians are rarely affectionate. A married couple may be sitting next to each other, but you would have no idea they even know each other!

The Countdown Begins!

My fave English teacher, Lakshmi.
Going to miss this lady!

T-8 days until I'm back in the States, and I can't wait! I am wrapping up the chapters I've been teaching and students are reviewing for their summative assessments (across all Delhi Public Schools).

Saturday was Teacher Appreciation Day. I wish every day was Teacher Appreciation Day. Students decorated our room and showered us with gifts, candy and cards. Then, students walked around to all the staff rooms and fed us cake (like they took a chunk with their hands and put it up to our mouths). Then, they touched our feet, which is a sign of respect for elders. At night, there was a festival for teachers with live music, games, food and dancing. I won a prize for randomly wearing a headband and Andrea won for best dancer. The teachers were so much fun outside of school! Laughing and taking pictures. Great memories. One teacher's flash wouldn't go off and a group of us were trying to hold our poses and smiles. The gym teacher, exasperated, shouted a string of Hindi words. I was like "I have no idea what she said..." Andrea finished my sentence

Teacher's Day haul.

with..."but I was thinking the same thing!" Hilarious, and true. You often don't need words to communicate.

School Updates

Science: We are finishing up the Our Body chapter, and Sammy the skeleton is looking healthier and more colorful. Students LOVED the circulatory system activities--squeezing a crumpled paper ball 90 times to simulate the heart pumping and taking their pulses after marching in place for one minute. After the paper ball exercise, I asked, "Class, aren't we so glad our heart does this for us automatically? That we do not have to think about pumping

I had Andrea recording my lesson,
so we were actually able to capture
this moment on video!

our heart every second?" They looked at me blankly, so I repeated, "Aren't you glad for your heart?!" They all started clapping and I lost it laughing in front of class. Apparently, they thought I said, "Clap for your heart."

Social Studies: The students enjoyed creating thinking maps (circle map, bubble map, tree map) on the different aspects of culture in Chennai. This sparked an idea for SS in my future classroom. Why not have country "boxes" from all over the world? A small group of students would discover different artifacts in their box and have to research and present to the class why each artifact is significant. For example, an India box might contain a some tea leaves, a sari, an elephant god figurine, etc.

English: We read a play called Clever Carla, which taught students not to be greedy. The students acted out the different roles with great enthusiasm!

Okay, so Sammy's not "medically"
accurate, but the kids love him,
and can identify all the parts!

Math: In an attempt to make Roman numerals (yawn) more interesting, I had students find a secret message. They could decode the message only by first identifying the Roman numeral that would unlock a letter.

Teacher Appreciation Day celebration.

This weekend, we attended a seminar at church and had lunch at the pastor's family's house. Then, we hung out with Andrea's cooperating teacher, Anu, and her family for dinner. Anu's husband works for the Railway, so we saw the only railway training facility in India and walked around the gardens. Then we played basketball with her daughter, Harsha, who is a bundle of energy. I taught Harsha every ball handling trick I could remember (Pistol Pete, anyone?) and we had a blast!

 Today was another rough day with my students. Both Andrea and I are struggling with lack of consequences/no behavior management system. Andrea so eloquently described it: "It's like an abusive relationship. [The students] say they won't hit again and that they're sorry, but just do it again the next day!" We laughed. And I didn't beat myself up over the rough day this time.

Untouchable

Outside of the church we attend here, there are plenty of beggars. Some are trained to put on a show. They hold tiny, filthy, naked babies and signal for food. Others will tug on your skirt and follow you all the way to your destination if you do not give them a firm "No." I have heard if you give money, there's no way to tell if it is for the beggar or for someone else who has hired them to beg. Sometimes people do terrible things, like blind or burn small children so they receive more money begging. These beggars are especially persistent in approaching anyone with light skin or who looks foreign.

There was a girl, maybe 10 years old asking for money outside church on Sunday. I am so numb to them now, I walked right past her. But Andrea stopped. The girl, Nika, only spoke Hindi. Her hair was messy and dusty. She wore a dirty, torn green kurta and scarf. Andrea invited her up the stairs to the church service. One of the church ladies stopped her on the stairs and asked what was going on. "She's coming to church," Andrea replied.

Inside, the pastor greeted Andrea and I warmly and then pointed to Nika, confused, and asked, "Is she with you?" Andrea nodded. Nika sat through the whole service, clapping her hands to the songs and listening to the Hindi translation.

I am disappointed I didn't think of inviting Nika and others like her to church. That I overlook people because if they are uneducated, they don't speak English, and how could I communicate? Or they are probably not using the money for food, so I walk past them.

Then I got upset. Why did people question her being there? Aren't we called to invite people to the church? Church people are not the ones who need to hear about Jesus. Didn't Jesus hang with poor people? What were the church people afraid of, that she would not understand the service? That she would steal something? This small act of Andrea's set a huge example for me. It really rocked my mindset. 

Though discriminating based on the caste system is technically illegal, it still exists today. Nika was born an  untouchable, or outcast of society, and has no chance of getting an education or job better than a street sweeper. If she tries, she or her family could be beat, their possessions burned, or worse. Christians don't really follow the caste system, but it's so deeply embedded in the culture, I think this caused some of the reactions. 

But I'm going to follow Andrea's example and stop thinking of excuses. I hope Nika comes back to church next week.